I'm often known as, or referred to, a more tough chick that can take anything and manage it pretty well. Or in more unfortunate cases, a callous, heartless bitch that doesn't give a fuck about other people. And I think I play that role pretty well. = I do a pretty good job acting and pretending as if everything is okay when things are pretty much going down the well. In all honesty, I feel like I'm the biggest cry baby ever. When I'm alone, and only when I'm in front of friends I can truly trust.
Today I saw one of my dear friends for the first time in a while (Fuck busy schedules). The whole time, although it was a matter of minutes, I was trying so hard to hold my tears back in. If I weren't in such a public place, I would probably started bawling like a crazy baby. There's been so many times I borrowed his shoulder and cried and cried and cried until I didn't have the energy to cry any more, and he'd tuck me into bed and wish me sweet dreams. For some reason that I can't specify, I feel as if I can break down all my walls and just let emotions take over, or rather, trust him as someone to lean on when I feel weak and miserable. I've come across too many people that take advantage of your weaknesses, that I don't allow myself to be "weak" in front of others. I almost feel as if my value would fall down drastically if I were to just allow myself to cry in front of other people. But it's different when I'm in front of the friends that I trust.
I should probably appreciate the fact that I have someone in my life that I can trust to such degree.
On a happier note, this is a cheesy yet heart warming song for me at the moment::
cHiT CHat:: EMi.