RELATIONSHIPS101 WITH DOCTOR TAM
...I always wonder why I end up being the come-to person for relationship inquires and venting...
In all honesty, I love "girl talks". From boy trouble because "my boyfriend is being a dick and not texting me back" to more raunchy topics such as how to master sucking dick (which, does not always have to be a girl talk session with a girl, I have noticed). I do enjoy discussing how to deal with rocky relationships over a cup of tea. But in all honesty, I am getting quite sick of dealing with people "venting" over stupid crap.
And those people who usually "vent" in regards to relationships, are ones who are not obviously incapable of maintaining, or even stepping a foot into a relationship. ...By this I have no intentions of being "Oh yeah because I, ME, I am totally capable of being in the perfect relationship!" [Quite the contrary, I'm quite content with my time as a single girl in the past couple months, and I think it's something I've needed for quite a while...A whole list of things to do+commitments I have really don't help any kind of relationship/partnership at the moment. I admit my incapability.]
My honest question is; why even bother?
If your intentions are purely sexual, why even bother being in a relationship? If sex is your main motive, that is one great reason for a failing route for a relationship. I've experienced it myself; partner (a) was all about sex, I got tired of it and didn't want to have any more sex after a while, and things dissolved on its own. On the other hand, with partner (b), I enjoyed the sex and I loved the cuddling, and probably wanted a little too much. Too much for partner (b), at least. So things didn't quite work out for that either. It's like trying to jam a key into a keyhole that isn't designed for the key. It just won't work.
A good friend of mine (male, much older than me) bluntly told me "It's nice to have a fuck buddy though, you just get your needs met and taken care of, no strings attached." As liberal and care-free I may be in regards to a lot of subjects, it was quite a shocker for me, and I couldn't swallow his words into my system for a while. But reflecting on my life and my experience, I could understand where he was coming from, and what he meant. And then another friend's words popped into my mind; "It's nice to have a friend that you can trust to that degree."
We're human. We more or less have "needs" that need to be met. I for one, can honestly admit that I do. And what my friend mentioned was indeed true; "trust" is indeed important, in a lot of things in life, sex being one of them. For me personally, I can indulge in sex unless it's with a person I can trust. Sure, any person can randomly come up and "stimulate" me "sexually", but that doesn't mean I'm enjoying it. Worst case scenario, I'll end up having one of those mental-orgam-blocks and end up feeling like absolute crap in the end.
So in the end, in regards to sexual partners, rather than a failing relationship with horrible sex, I'd rather have someone in my life that I can trust and allow myself to indulge with.
In other words, it may be fair for me to say that I'm glad that I wasn't one of those people that clung onto their virginity like it was some kind of trophy that increased some invisible value to yourself. My own mother claimed that I was "too young" (although I was considered "pretty old" by my peers... I had to be leaning towards my mother's claim rather than my peers' on this one...) In a sense it allowed me to experience things before I got too old, or got stuck in same old ideas that end up suffocating me.
...Like drugs. Another good quote from a friend of mine-
"Those things are things that you just don't do when you hit a certain age. Like when you're 20. Why even bother at that point?"
cHiT CHat:: EMi.